People tell me that I shouldn't need you to be happy.
Well, of course other things will make me happy, but I'm just not completely happy.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
It just means that you mean a lot to me, and I want my life to be with you.
I hope you're happy, but I also hope you're not.
I don't want you to be sad, but I don't want you to be okay with not being with me.
It'll mean that I've always loved you more, and that's the one thing I never want to win.
I know we have to wait, in fact a part of me wants to.
I just think a part of me wants you now more than wanting to wait.

Clair de Lune, I think of you.

I'm listening to a beautiful performance of Clair de Lune, and it makes me think of you.
I know I've told you many times, but I love when you play piano for me.
It's beautiful.
You put so much love and care into every piece you play, even if you say you don't care for the piece.

This piece is so beautiful.
Tears stream down my face as I think about when I would sit next to you while you played. I would hug you from behind and kiss you as you continued to play.

I ache and wait for when I can do that again.

I miss you. I love you.

Weed. Not gonna lie.

HOLY SHIIIIT
I think that anyone who is against pot needs to go smoke a bowl and then try to tell me to my face WHILE THEY'RE HIGH that it isn't awesome and shouldn't be legalized.
Seriously.
So goooood.
It's like multiple dreams each 10-15 seconds long.
man oh man
<3
Good dubstep is now like twice as better.

Hypocrites.

I posted something today on Facebook.
I was calling Chris Crocker a faggot.
Why? Because he is.
Yes, he's gay. But he's just stupid.
I was quoting Louis CK when I used faggot.
Louis CK uses it as "stupid and annoying".
Not the derogatory name for gays.
So when other gays and people give me shit for using "faggot" DESPITE the fact that I said SPECIFICALLY that I did NOT mean it in the mean way, it pisses me off.
Someone said that I basically don't have a right to use "faggot" in the way that I was describing. That only the LGBT community can.
Well guess what that's doing for you!
It's showing the whole damn world that you ARE different from us. That there IS something between us. That you don't WANT to include straight people. That you are giving only members of the LGBT community credibility.
When someone calls me a Jew in a negative way, I brush it off. Then they leave me alone. Because I don't CARE. My friends call me Jew. They're not Jewish. Hardly any of them are. I still let them. Why? Because I know they don't mean it in a negative why. They have credibility because I trust them and they're my friends. They don't need to be Jewish in order for me to not be offended.
You're not going to get anywhere if you attack the people who are on your side.
It's logic. Get it? I'm not attacking you.
I was attacking the stupid bitch in the video.
Oops, I used bitch. That's a derogatory term for female!
Oh wait, I'm a girl, so it's okay.
But that means that anyone who's NOT a girl can't use "bitch".
Does that seem fair? No.
Seriously.
Get off your high horse. NONE of you are the Kings of the gay community.
You do not represent every single gay person in the world.
There are a lot of gay people who can take a joke and aren't as sensitive, and obviously, you're not one of them.
I support the people who can take jokes.
I support the general LGBT community.
I do not support the people who get mad at the people on their side because they think they can come up with the rules because THEY'RE the gay one.
Oh look, I'm attracted to females.
Does that mean I'm a part of the LGBT community?
I guess so.
So does that mean I now have credibility?
I guess so.
And guess what! Faggot doesn't offend me.
Oh, but wait, I'm not as much of a gay as you are.
Well, a lot of you aren't as much of a Jew as I am.
So don't make any Jew jokes.

But actually I don't care. At all. Because I make fun of everyone. I make jokes about everything. And if I'm offended by something, I'll brush it off.
And I suggest you do the same before someone actually calls you a faggot in the derogatory way for acting like such a girl.

You're all still great people. You all have wonderful qualities which is why I consider you friends.

Maybe it's because..

I feel a bit depressed.
Maybe it's because I'm still sick and I've been getting other painful symptoms most likely originating from POTS.
Maybe it's because I'm a bit sensitive to people.
Maybe it's because I'm stresses about my school work.

But Moses just climbed on top of me and I've got to admit, I feel a lot happier at the moment.

I'm almost 17. You'd think I'd be able to get into a car without direct permission from my parents.

My parents think I need to get their permission to get a ride from someone from school to my house.
They're not okay with me simply letting them know when I leave, who I'm with, and when I'm home.
What the fuck.
You guys don't even answer me right away.
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to fucking wait around for a half hour for your response.
God fucking damn it.
I'm old enough to handle this shit!
I just can't even handle it.
I'm so upset.
It's so fucking ridiculous.
I want to go home so I can fucking SLEEP.
Why? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING TIRED ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Neither of you fucking get that so get off my SHIT.
Jesus Christ.
I hate them.
Fuck them.
This is just fucking stupid.

I tend to get upset over little nothings. I wonder where I get it from. It couldn't be from my mom...could it?

My mom has been home for the past two days for two reasons:
1. She said she caught something from my sister and I.
2. To take care of me.

I was kind of hoping that since she already took two days off that she would be awesome and take tomorrow off so I could go down to Eugene.
So I sent her a text asking her why she would take two days off and not tomorrow, and that it was like she was mocking me. I meant it in a semi serious way, meaning not completely serious, right?
Well, she comes upstairs really upset, demands that I get off the computer, I ask her why, she grabs the screen, I go HOLY SHIT!? because I was afraid she was gonna break the damn thing, and she goes off about how ungrateful I am.
I don't understand why she can't take a damn joke!
She COULD have just said, "Because I'm taking care of you and Sam's not on my priority list."
That would have ended it.
I would have gotten the point.
Instead she blew up like a damn hot air balloon and made everything worse.
I wonder where I get that bs from.
Seriously, though.
Super annoying.

I'm just going to wait for Bridesmaids to download and hopefully that'll cheer me up, though I'm currently in no mood for something like that.

You ever just get so annoyed that there are very few things that can cheer you up?
Well I'm like that right now.
Maybe my medicine is making me so wound-up.
It could be.

But I'm raging.
>:(