I'm so so sorry.

Dear goodness, how sorry I am.
How regretful I feel.
How I wish I could take so many things I said back.
I hate how much it hurt you and bothered you.
I hate it so much and I wish I could have realized that it wasn't good far earlier.

I think this may be my last chance....I really hope I don't blow it. I love you so much, and yes, I love you more.

Who I am is with you.

Who I am now is with you.
There is no me without you.
I've changed, and you've been a part of that change.
Losing you is losing a part of myself.

I love Moses.

I love my cat Moses.
Here I am, laying on my bed, on my laptop.
He jumps on my bed, walks on me, flips onto his back, and demands to be pet.
He maneuvers himself in such a way that his face ends up in my armpit.
He proceeds to like then sniff my armpit.
Some may think it's gross, but I just have a HUGE amount of love for my cat. <3

I'm not going to pretend. I'm not going to play games.

People keep telling me that I need to make it seem like I don't care.
But it's too hard.
Of course I care.
Also I'm scared that if you think I don't care, then you'll be just fine with splitting up.
I care.
Okay?
I care like a motherfucker.

I want to live.

My parents won't let me drink a soda.

A soda. A Mountain Dew.

I'm almost 17 years old, and I need their permission.

This just adds to the pile of reasons why I DON'T want to be here for college.

I understand that I'm young. But that's not my fault.

My mom was the one who put me in school at such a young age.

It's her fault she didn't see this coming.

She can't punish me and make me suffer now. I'm growing up, and despite my age, I'm mature too.

I don't want to grow up and look back at my college years and see half of them as lame.

I can eventually pay off student loans.

I can't relive my youth. I don't want to continue spending it as a child of amish parents.

I want to be a stupid teenager every once in a while. I want to live.